On Monday June 9, I hosted my first fundraiser, which raised over $60,000 for my day job--the Coalition for Health Services Research. Two hundred guests attended the cocktail reception, including agency heads, Members of Congress, and other Beltway insiders. Much to my surprise, a fun time was had by all. The open bar helped...
It all went off without a hitch, but I underestimated just how difficult and exhausting it is to host a large party. I was the "it" girl everyone wanted to see. And thank. And ask questions. And introduce to so-and-so. And spend quality time.
It reinforced my decision to keep my own wedding a small-
ish affair of 75. It also got me thinking about just "how to" be the
consummate hostess of a large event, be it a wedding with those you know and love or a black tie gala with those you mean to impress and network. Here are some tips:
1. Set realistic expectations: If you have over 150 guests, it's unlikely your event timeline will allow you to have a meaningful conversation with everyone. If you get stuck in 15 minute
conversations at the beginning of the night, you'll suddenly find it's last call and you've only talked to 10 people! So don't set yourself up for failure. Be mindful of the time and keep it brief. Luckily, at a large event your guests recognize that you've got to make the rounds.
2. Greet every guest: While you won't be able to converse in-depth with everyone, you MUST at least welcome every guest individually and thank them for coming. This is hostess 101. A receiving line at a wedding--either as guests depart the ceremony or arrive at the reception--easily provides you the opportunity to hug and thank everyone who attends. You may also wish to visit every table if you're hosting a seated dinner service. Just make sure you take time to eat!
At my recent fundraiser, I greeted guests at the registration table and helped them find their name badges. This afforded me the chance to shake hands, hug, let them know which of their friends and colleagues had already arrived, and get them situated in the ballroom. Once a critical mass of guests had arrived, I then proceeded into the reception to mingle with those who slipped by me when they arrived.
3. Divide and conquer: If you're hosting a very large event, say 250+, and a receiving line is not an option for logistical reasons (
after all, you don't want to stand there all night!), you might designate others to act as your proxies throughout the event. For a wedding, your spouse is an obvious co-host. You can also engage your parents, your in-laws, and even your bridal party to spend more quality time with guests, facilitate introductions, help people to their seats, and generally make people feel welcome.
At the fundraiser, my CEO and Board Officers worked the room to make sure all the guests felt like VIPs.
4. Don't play favorites: This is a trap in which even the best hostesses are ensnared. It's human nature to gravitate toward those with whom we're most comfortable. So at special events, we tend to monopolize time with our friends and ignore the rest of the guests, because, well, we have more fun with our friends. But it's important at an event, and particularly a wedding, to spend
special time with the guests you rarely see--your uncle who flew across country, your long-lost cousin who you won't see for another 15 years--because who knows when you'll see them again. Make plans for a late night after-party to decompress with your best buds!
5. Have an exit strategy: The hardest part of hosting is leaving a conversation gracefully. One strategy is to use "cut-ins" to your advantage. When a guest "cuts-in" on your time with another guest, introduce the two, get them talking, and then excuse yourself from their conversation. In a similar vein, you can grab the closest person to you, ask them to join you, facilitate introductions, get them talking, and then slip away. It's likely that your guests are escorted by a date or at least know others at the party. But don't ever leave a person alone to fend for themselves! As a guest, there's nothing worse than standing by yourself in a room full of people and not knowing how to break into a conversation. Particularly if they're strangers.
If you follow these rules, you
guarantee your guests will leave feeling special and appreciated. And that's what hosting is all about!
Special thanks to my favorite photographer, Jessica Del
Vecchio, for photographing this event. I'll post some images soon!
Our menu: New England clam chowdah, tossed green salad, and filet mignon with baked stuffed shrimp. Delicious!
